I bruise easily

This lyric sounds familiar? Feeling like the song is written for you? Listening it every time when once again you are hurt – no matter if by your boyfriend, parents, closed friend or just a stranger in the subway? Yes, this is me and thousands others. So when I am writing this, at least I am sure that I am not alone and somewhere there, somebody will read this and will think the same as me.

• Being so many times hurt, that sometime I don’t know if there is some intact part of me. But then the dawn is coming, I am greeting the Sun and miraculously I have little bit energy to endure the day. However, at noon, I am already pissed off by everyday stuff, again you soul is crying and waiting for the new day to come. I am so hurt by the lack of emotions. There is nothing except for the grey everyday, with the usual stuffs, even the problems are similar.
• In my “free time” I change studying Medical subjects with studying German. After so much studying what is the result – horrible. I am not satisfied with me medical education, I am desperate with my German ( I need it in order to increase my chances of further professional realization), so I am a disaster!! My self-esteem is ZERO!! And what is more, I am terrified that I will not have any future. I am studying so hart in order to be a Doctor after all. So everything to go in vain – honestly this thought makes me freak out.
• Moreover, I do not have time to make something for my soul, like going out with friends or spending a night with my  boyfriend. I have only time to eat a bar of chocolate, and this is all the happy      moments in my day. Saying it loudly makes me feel so much more pathetic. But what I am most terrified about is the discoloration of my soul.  Before it used to be yellow and green. Now is grey. But I do not have crayons to make it colored  again. And with every day left, it is grayer. I am afraid that at the end it will be transparent. And there is nothing worse than a man without a soul… But how can I stop this horrible process? I hate being a pessimist and complaining. That’s why I do not talk about my problems with other people, and this makes me feels like a stranger among my closed ones. Someone will advise me – do what you want, quit all activities that make you miserable. I can’t!! I am too stubborn and I just cannot quit something that I have already begun.  So then I suppose that the only thing is the hope – the hope that the Dawn is coming…